When "materials" defeated humans

I cried silently when I heard
I sang quietly when I learned
All I could think of is what it really is
What if that is actually true ?

Whom to share my thoughts with
Whom to talk to what I feel
Is it the end of world or beginning of a new one
Can someone help me please ?

I believed people make places
I believed people are the faces
But the world is so damn materialistic today
We make stuff or they make us ?

I would have given up anything
to be with you would be the greatest thing
Not asking you to reciprocate still
Can I expect at least not rebuking on my face ?

Is your new city that much better
Is your new life that much simpler
Its so hard to accept that you will hate me forever
When you are back in my life again !

No joke.

To all my collegues at MphasiS (who joined on the same day as me - 03 Jul 2009).
It’s time to celebrate guys. Big-time.

All of us need to be felicitated for:

1) Patience shown when we were ‘benched’: We cribbed but we sustained the emptiness
2) Handling people like ‘Hinanjali’ who tend to form a cartel against the new joinees
3) Working in projects which returned ‘NULL’ in terms of value addition
4) Delivering on time ‘things’ which mattered the least in our lives
5) Adhering ourselves to ‘processes’ which nobody in the company was aware of (we are still confused….arent we?)
6) Keeping ourselves motivated through times when we get a ‘shi*ty salary’ topped with a 'shi*ty' rating
7) Persistently letting people know (again and again !!) we belong to MphasiS and not Infosys

And all of this was possible because we were not alone (and ofcourse coz the market conditions are not conducive) . Let us celebrate to the fact that we joined together in MphasiS – An EDS Company exactly 365 days back.

Can I overpower Love?

Thoughts put into words which pop into mind only after midnight. It’s a virtual dialect among abstract entities which incidentally happen to determine the human virtues.

Oh yes, surely I can. I am tired of answering this again & again to each one of you people. But then, I love this part of life when you stupid creatures fight with yourselves and think of winning, knowing well enough that it doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, you are the one who has to loose, something at least. Just in case you are thinking of loosing me, allow me to make you realize my importance to you:

You say you cherish love. But I have taught you how to cherish things. I am the first thought you cherished.

You say you can die for your love. Have you ever thought who you live for? Its me darling. You have lived each moment of your life to fulfill me.

You say your love is the single most important thing that happened to you in your entire life. Tell me, isn’t your being in love is just a miniscule subset of me. I, as a whole, am much more important than your stupid love & things like that.

You say you have grown so much accustomed to your love that it has turned out to be a habit for you. Think about me dear. I have been controlling your thoughts since you started thinking. Its me and only me you are accustomed to.

You can you spend all your nights dreaming about your love. Yes, that’s what I wanted to emphasize on. Love needs me. You need me.

Who am I? I am your DREAM and I do what I want. I control you and will continue to do so. Ain’t I powerful?

I am a sink … aren’t I?

It was a fine evening, 4th of May 1990 and I was about to leave for the playground, quite close to my house. Playing sport has always been my greatest interest I ever had in my life. I got dressed, fully and professionally in the football jersey and spikes given by our club. After all, I was a treasured player there and I could not afford to miss a single day of my contribution to the team. All of a sudden, I heard my mom calling. She was exceptionally polite to me and I somehow knew she must be asking for some compromise on my end. Anyways, she proceeded to state that my father got something else to do, which was ofcourse more important than my match and hence am expected to be take up his responsibilities for some time. Its only a matter of an hour or so before my father takes over and then I will be free to play as much as I wished. I looked blindly into her eyes, kind of avoiding the direct contact so that she doesn't get to know about my already bubbling eyes.

Of course, it was only a matter of an hour but by then I would have lost many a things, which were more important to me than anything. I would have lost the time, the match would have started, someone else will take up my place, my credibility in the team diminishes. I spoke nothing. I could not speak a word but wonder, how could she ask me such a thing? I wanted to shout and scream. I wanted to get heard.

But I didn't complain. Went straight to my playground. I knew a place where I could hide with no one in direct sight of me. I had discovered that while playing hide and seek with the same set of friends. I went there and cried. I cried till my eyes were sore red and there were no more watery lakes flowing down my cheeks. And then I went to perform the duty I was asked, with all the dignity of a martyr.

That was the day when I started learning how not to complain, how not to get heard and how to listen to others. I learned how to mould my life to other's needs and try to solve their problems. I learned to compromise things which mattered the most to me. Time flew by, and I got so accustomed to it that I started enjoying it. I started loving the pain which erupted in my heart whenever I was not listened to. I cherished the moments when I sacrificed something to earn a small happiness to somebody else.

World doesn't allow you to live peacefully, no matter how hard you try. Now it asks me to open up, to share things and let others know about my feelings. I ask you .... Why now? Believe me, change is not at all easy. Habits may change, but what about characteristics? That is the way I have spent all my life, and if you want me to be what you demand, you got to invest time. You got to make me comfortable and let me know that "Its ok to share feelings".

Independence: A Mirage

Independence in Life is similar to Mirage in a Desert. We keep on moving to reach a state of independence, and we rarely succeed.

Flashback

Scene 1: It was a tradition in the society that the school-going kids would celebrate Saraswati Puja and ask the Goddess of Knowledge for more wisdom every year, year after year. Not sure whether SHE listened to us, we followed it religiously. We got the biggest idol that our miniscule budget permitted us to and tried to re-arrange it at the centre of the stage. Unable to do so all by ourselves, I called on my father who was deeply engulfed (deeper than I thought) in the post-analysis of the Babri Masjid massacre. He didn't move; neither was I able to make any of them move (father or the Goddess). I didn't realize it then, but I was Physically Dependent.

Scene 2: I inquired my mom if I could throw a party to all my friends on my next birthday. I was made to wait for an affirmation for days & months thereafter, till the D-Day arrived. Yes, I was stupid enough to ask it half an year in advance. Ultimately, as it turned out, reasons like money constraints were tossed to me. A couple of years smarter, I demystified it this time: I was Financially Dependent.

Scene 3: Our team had lost the football match and it was largely because of me. I had the burden on my shoulders of letting my team down. Yes, I was stupid enough to think that it was the most important thing I had lost in life, but as I look back, it was important to me at that point of time. Of course, I have had lost many a things since then, but coming back to the day: Absorbing the tears that cringed in my eyes, I went home and saw my elder sister engrossed in a social science project from her school. I asked her if she could spend some time with me. You guessed it right. I was Emotionally Dependent.

Present

In the quest to be a complete man, I made a conscious effort to eliminate all these dependencies. I wanted to be independent. Independence, as I defined it to myself, was like a perfect system, capable of surviving on its own. It doesn't need an ecosystem; it doesn't need external inputs to breathe. I don't know after all these years whether I should claim myself to be successful or not, but the matter of fact is that the dependencies are still there, they have only changed faces.

And now with all this self-claimed wisdom I acquired from the prayers since childhood, I can see through the simplest thought of GOD behind making humans dependent on each other. HE wanted to make the world a relatively harmonious place to live in, lest the humans become invincible and self-sustaining. At least, HE blessed each one of us with independent thinking.

Let's celebrate OUR Independence!!

My Pune experience :))

Prologue: Went to Pune some time back.

It was so very refreshing. Every thing, every object, living & non-living, that could be green, was Green. And the water droplets fell on the Mumbai-pune expressway as if they are enjoying their leisurely fall from heaven onto the greens of earth. They seemed to have a mission; lessening the burdens from the shoulders of humanity and alleviating their thoughts. I gaped at the lush green beauty, as the water droplets washed the glasses of the Tavera and tried to seep in from the window panes at times.

It made me feel elated and enthusiastic while relishing the hundreds of river-born waterfalls, small yet cute pink colored houses surrounded by fences and the cows grazing here and there. Thanks to the terrific works from the likes of William Wordsworth and John Keats, I think every Indian student grows up with exactly that kind of a farm-house picture in his mind: tiled, brown, tiny & insignificant dwelling, surrounded by a fence and a single cow tied to a rope grazing at some end.

At times, the green hurt the eyes. It seemed like the nature was struck with a pestilential disease of green. It occupied every possible space, spread across acres and acres. Except some of the steel rods, railway tracks, a few newly built houses and the sky; the vines and the green algae seemed to have conspired not to leave anything untouched. And they succeeded exceptionally well.

Involuntarily, I was thrown back into a flash of the sweetest memoirs I ever had in my life. And my heart knew next time the same crate opens up in my mind, the reminiscence of this journey would be there.

What is not a prison ....

Well, yeah .... it got me thinking for the past couple of days and am yet to get one positive answer. Lets define what a prison is:

Its a place of confinement or involuntary restraint. A place which you cannot leave at your wish and you are supposed to follow certain things (call it rules, or discipline). Its a place where you got limits, you cannot strecth yourself beyond it.

With this kinda definition of a prison, lets examine what maybe is not a prison ....

The office is a prison
The cubicle is a prison
The home you live in is a prison
The balcony you spend your evenings is a prison
The society is a prison

Your friends are a prison
Your parents are a prison
Your wife is a prison
Your family is a prison

The deo you use is in prison
The water you drink is in prison
The air you breathe is in prison
The vocabulary you use is in prison

The books you read, your thinking is in prison
The club you visit is a prison
The reastaurant you are in, is a prison
All beautiful places are in prison

The sea is in prison, and so is an ocean
The ship floating on it is in prison
The wine you enjoy is in prison
The ciggaratte you smoke is in prison

A spaceship is in prison
Days and Night are in prison
The sun is in prison
The earth itself is in prison

The World is a prison for all
yeah, your body is a prison for your soul.

Nobody, rather nothing is free in this world. And yet, some people think they hold the right to give others freedom.

mosquito repellent !!

Thats very essential. Mosquitoes are everywhere and they bite. They carry infectious disease which may turn fatal anytime. Its highly recommended that you stay away from them as much as possible.

Sometimes we get so accostomed to mosquito bites that we kinda start missing them when they are not around. Our room-partners asks us "Whats the matter? Why aren't the pests here today" and you have got no good reason to answer back. How in the world are you supposed to know why mosquitoes arent there today .... and even if you know and you realise, how are you supposed to explain things?? Damad !! How can you possibly look at your own Certificate of Foolishness and read it aloud to people.

So, its better that you take care of your health and keep all your doors shut. Did I mention windows? Ofcourse, mosquitoes are a pretty smart species -- they are pretty and they are smart. They can sneak in from the smallest possible gap you provide. So, take care of all the inlets that lead the way to your blood and hence your soul; plug each one of them properly.

Its a different issue that in the process you may keep out the few butterflies that are around and want to beautify your home for a while. But its a good deal in the end: getting bitten by a lot of mosquitoes is not worth having butterflies in your life. ..... afterall, everything is so fragile in this world and ofcourse, butterflies are scarcely found.

And for god's sake .... if you have got used to the buzzing sound of mosquitoes, immediately go and watch a high-adrenalin porn on high volume. Trust on me .... it helps. Mosquitoes are allergic to ultrasonic sounds.

Lastly, dont trust. Its the mosquito instinct to bite. And it solely depends on you to use your software algorithms for distincting a mosquito from a butterfly. If you fail... blame yourself for letting the mosquito in the sacred temple you call as your home.

For the uninitiated, only female mosquitoes suck blood from the human body. It helps them to keep thier body warm and replicate.

Self-Actualization ... or is it .... i dnt knw

Am back .... Sorry baby for leaving you all this while. For the time being I was under the impression that I need not write to make my life beautiful.

I was wrong ... I know that. Now, please dont get furious over me. At least, you can allow me a mistake or two ...

Life is beautiful, but thats only on pen and paper, or maybe on HTML pages for that matter. I realised that I need you ... I need you to make my life beautiful. I need your ears... please listen to me. Be as you are, be with me ... and be as you always have been.. giving your shoulder whenever I wanted to cry.

Note: This blog henceforth is not meant for anyone else other than the owner. Kindly refrain from tresspassing. Thanks.

err ....

ok yes... its a mistake.

I know its a mistake but there are certain things in life u knw its a mistake but u dont really knw its a mistake bcoz the only way to really knw its a mistake is to make the mistake and then look back and say "yeah, that was a mistake"

So really, the biggger mistake wud be to not make the mistake bcoz then u go ur whole life not knowing whether its a mistake or not ..

and damad !! I have made no mistakes. I have done all of this ... my life, my career, my family and my friends mistake-free.

There r certain mistakes i had to make...

Now here I am ... when I didnt make mistakes and wen I did.

I believe thats how it was supposed to be... and yeah, watever it is, it sucks.

Tale of two "Topi"es

It so happens that we tend to develop likings towards persons with whom we have something in common. This 'something' seems to have the widest possible range u can imagine. And there's nuthing wrong in it till u can justify ur choice, at least to urself. As the well-known proverb (birds of a feather ....) reinforces the above given fact, I wud put stress on the word "liking", especially when it involves person belonging to the same sex.

What wud be ur reaction, if I say:

1) I like this person coz he wears a "Topi" (and that is the hindi-equivalent of a CAP) everytime just as I do ...
2) He can sing as awfully as I can ....

Weird !! isnt it ??
These happen to be precisely the reasons why VG yelled (yeah yeah, he can do so !!) at RPS when he shouted at the top of his voice (past midnite) "I Love Himesh..."

Well, its said that when u r drunk, ur innermost feelings come out unhindered and u find urself spurting out whatever lies in the graveyards of ur heart. And if that is the case, then .... :D

I feel proud for at least playing Himesh-songs for my lost-friend...

RPS Quotes on the legendary Himesh (which unfortunately myself n Mahesh had to bear):

U can love him, u can hate him, but u cant ignore him
Main fan ho gaya hun uska yaar ....
Wo saare rickshaw wala and thele walon ka hero hai
He has got hit-songs continuously for the past 2 years
Uske gaanon me alag jadoo hai
and of course "I love Himesh" ... ;)

The "BIG" predicament ....

The idea of uniquesness has always fascinated me. Something which gets noticed about me, which makes me feel different from the crowd. A very trivial but essential support to this cause has been my name: Vishal. The 2 reasons coming to my mind right away are:

1) Not a common name among the bengalis, I used to find myself as the only guy called by that sound.
2) The letter "V" gets the credit for positioning me as the last guy in the class, at least alphabetically. Being last in a way was easier than being .... u knw wat

I used to cherish this feeling for a long long time, till I came to VGSoM. The first day at the B-School, and I get to know that there are 3 more Vishal's out here (fortunately, one of whom didn't join). And hence, my grey cells started ticking. I need that feeling, the differtiating factor desperately (I was so used to it). Well, I didn't disappoint myself when I came up with the brilliant idea of marketing myself with my initials, VG, which coincidentally matched with the those of the prestigious B-school.

I must appreciate my branding skills (yeah, yeah, I m bragging) in this matter [at least] and henceforth the dilemma of calling a Vishal in VGSoM 2008 was solved as Vishal (Vishal Mittal), Khashu (Vishal Khashu) and VG (Vishal Gupta) came into being. What I hadn't dreamt in my wildest dreams was that I may have to do this exercise again so early....

And this time in the third semester of the course when it so happened that VG and Khashu had to be room partners in Gurgaon, though working for different firms (summers u knw). The Landlady devised her own methods for differentiating us (one of those which made me laugh for no less than 30 mins, though Khashu wasn't heppy at all).

It all goes when Khashu decided to call the Landlady on a 'dreadful' evening that he won't be having his dinner when the respected mademoiselle confirms "tum chote wale Vishal bol rahe ho naa? "

and there's the irony of life: Chote wale Vishal.
or shall I call it an Oxymoron ... !!

what I yearn for ....

I want to speak
I want to scream
I want to be heard
I want to be understood
I want to be listened
I want to be valued
I want to be cherished
I want to be respected
I want to be trusted
I want to be praised
I want to be encouraged
I want to be believed
I want to feel safe
I want to be supported
I want to be comforted

Why?? Is this asking for too much!!

I want to CRY
And I want to cry now ....

Can we ........no, we wont allow you !!!

Can we be friends ???? please .......

NO .... U CAN'T. We wont allow this stupid thing to exist anywhere. And specially when it revolves around different sexes ... there's no question about it !!

Phase 1: Well, in my childhood I heard a saying "A boy and a girl can never be friends". I believed it then and thus thought that all the girls whom I interact to are my girl-friends. What a silly chap I was !!

Phase 2: As time passed by and I matured, I realised the myth. Boys and girls can surely be friends, who can "and" how would people stop them..... what bullshit !!

Phase 3: I solved the mystery. It feels so good when U untangle the truths of humanity. World doesn't approve friends to be friends, given the opposite sex constraints. They make U so concious of your "intimate" friendship and leave U to ponder with the choices:

i) Embrace the person in a loving relationship.
ii) Desert the friendship.

Can I have some more choices please ......

And yet again, the same sentence keeps on reverberating " NO, U CAN'T. We wont allow you"

Test Successful !!!

Here you have it ...........Ladies and Gentlemen,

We let misunderstandings guide our path so easily and so heavily. And we then resort to the best thing we can do .....

1) Why dont we take a minute off and reflect back upon our actions?
2) Why dont we think before we speak out ?
3) Why dont we refrain from blaming people, without having any sort of base?
4) Why dont we suppress ourselves for a moment and LIE " I m sorry"? Now would you be kind enough to tell me what went wrong ?
5) Why do we never miss a chance to hit others right across thier face?
6) Why do we think that we are all perfect and it must be the other person's fault?
7) Why dont we take into consideration that there may be a different perspective to a case?
8) Why dont we believe that people are never born criminals and essentially all are good at heart?

Nor a request nor a suggesstion, this time its outta "my right" :

Let me be myself !!! Understanding someone takes a lifetime and pains which words cant define. Dont rush for conclusions ....

Note: The time now is 1:11 PM in India, Kharagpur and the date being 9th April, 2007.

Conundrums of the IT world .....

Just testing ......

For those who dont understand why I have posted this, please dont ask me.
All those who understand .... need not ask anyways !!!

Its now 12:51 pm in India .... 9th day of April, 2007.

Note: By the time I publish this, the time maybe somewhere around 12:53 or 12:54

Jus luv

The beginning of love is to let those we love be themselves, and not twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves in them....

Thomas Merton

Good Morning Kharagpur .....

It is not because of the alarm clock which has been ringing for the past quarter of an hour, but the heat and the sunlight falling directly on my face, that I wake up, finally, at 9:45 am. Class begins at 10:30 am today.
And as if in a trance, almost unknowingly, I walk towards Chiro's room. (Its just unfair that he can enjoy his dreams when I am not). Interestingly, he is also in the same trance. So we collide in front of the bathroom and exchange a why-do-we-have-classes look.
Now, this is a typical morning in IIT-Kharagpur for me and my loomie. I ensure you of another 3 mins of fun and that is if you have the patience of going thru this till the end :

Me: We are going ...right ?? [Its always that none of us wanna go to classes, but, somehow reluctant to admit it first]
Chiro: Yup, baby ..... get ready soon. And make it fast. My stomach is upset and need to go to the bathroom twice. [Well, out of the total time we spend in the bathroom, he contributes at least 66.66% .... though a rough estimate]

So we start off. After the first rounds of getting ready we take a break (got tierd, you know). Its just 10, we still have close to 30 mins .... We check our very important mails on the hottest debate going around in the college right now: Dogs are friend or foe ??

The break ends very soon and this time I suppress my egos---
Me: Should we must go? Its a 2 hr class !!! [The best part about us is that if anyone doesn't feels like listening to lectures, the other considers it a responsibility to give company.... afterall, we are friends, and I do give him a fair share of the bathroom without any objections]

So, me continuing ......
Me: and we hadnt have our breakfast as well !!!
Chiro: Ohh .... Its the ECO class, we must go. Prof is very strict about the attendance [seems he is talking some sense, at least he is right !!]
Me: Can't we sneak in the after an hour or so? We have been attending lectures like goodies for a hell many days ...
Chiro: ok ..... done. [See, we dont argue in these matters and I think he may have changed his plans of bathroom visits from 2 to 3]

The discussion ends. Happy ending kinda. Everyone has been justified. Me, Chiro, Prof, Subject and the Breakfast. We get ready very soon, before 10:30 [skipped the bath with proper plans when and how to have it later]
So, we leave our rooms by 10:25 and go directly to Bhaskis, our official breakfast shop where we need not place orders--the guy is smart enuf to understand our needs.

It is not that this being written today implies this is the first hand experience. This is a typical morning for me and Chiro. Yet what made me realise [and ofcourse, write this blog] this time around is whatever activities started taking place in the class when we "sneaked in":

When half a dozen people look at you with giggling, smirking and questioning faces -- you always tend to look at your clothes first, especially the trouser zip and yet when everything is fine, you reciprocate the same looks. Lot many of them had actually noticed us leaving the hostel on time for the classes and the fact that we were late, made them think ...... whatever, no guesses this time !!!

Express urself !!

We all have our own ways of expressing ourselves. No one in the world can live without conveying his/her thoughts to the outside world. And we all do it in different ways. Probably, it is as unique as fingerprints or the retina.

At VGSoM, I got back a long lost friend. Brushes and Colors to be specific. The whole evening I spent painting on T-Shirts which will be sold during the Tech-fest (Khsitij) and the proceedings of which will be forwarded to Disha-Seema (A school for the deprived). Am feeling happy, not only coz I did some social work, but coz I felt as if I am still the same kid who used to stuff his bag every alternate evening for the 'drawing class' and play around with colors. For the moment I forgot all the cases and the assignments due.

Pray to HIM that all our lives be filled with moments similar to this, whereby we "Express Ourselves" without hesitation and escalations.

Entrepreneurship !!

Thats the buzzword for India. Lots and lots of oppurtunities. Entrepreneurship has always been a niche area of expertise simply because of the risk involved. And as we know, humans are reluctant to take risks. Play it safe, thats what Mr. Dravid would suggest his boys at the start of a fresh innings. So, the whole thing boils down to risk taking capability of the individual. It is said that "If you are in a new setup, you need to take hundreds of decision, and each one has to be right. You make a single mistake and there's no return point."

Thank god people dont apply the above mentioned concept to Life. Lets hope however modern and civilised we get, we keep life as a flowing river and not an enclosed lake.