Thoughts put into words which pop into mind only after midnight. It’s a virtual dialect among abstract entities which incidentally happen to determine the human virtues.
Oh yes, surely I can. I am tired of answering this again & again to each one of you people. But then, I love this part of life when you stupid creatures fight with yourselves and think of winning, knowing well enough that it doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, you are the one who has to loose, something at least. Just in case you are thinking of loosing me, allow me to make you realize my importance to you:
You say you cherish love. But I have taught you how to cherish things. I am the first thought you cherished.
You say you can die for your love. Have you ever thought who you live for? Its me darling. You have lived each moment of your life to fulfill me.
You say your love is the single most important thing that happened to you in your entire life. Tell me, isn’t your being in love is just a miniscule subset of me. I, as a whole, am much more important than your stupid love & things like that.
You say you have grown so much accustomed to your love that it has turned out to be a habit for you. Think about me dear. I have been controlling your thoughts since you started thinking. Its me and only me you are accustomed to.
You can you spend all your nights dreaming about your love. Yes, that’s what I wanted to emphasize on. Love needs me. You need me.
Who am I? I am your DREAM and I do what I want. I control you and will continue to do so. Ain’t I powerful?
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I am a sink … aren’t I?
It was a fine evening, 4th of May 1990 and I was about to leave for the playground, quite close to my house. Playing sport has always been my greatest interest I ever had in my life. I got dressed, fully and professionally in the football jersey and spikes given by our club. After all, I was a treasured player there and I could not afford to miss a single day of my contribution to the team. All of a sudden, I heard my mom calling. She was exceptionally polite to me and I somehow knew she must be asking for some compromise on my end. Anyways, she proceeded to state that my father got something else to do, which was ofcourse more important than my match and hence am expected to be take up his responsibilities for some time. Its only a matter of an hour or so before my father takes over and then I will be free to play as much as I wished. I looked blindly into her eyes, kind of avoiding the direct contact so that she doesn't get to know about my already bubbling eyes.
Of course, it was only a matter of an hour but by then I would have lost many a things, which were more important to me than anything. I would have lost the time, the match would have started, someone else will take up my place, my credibility in the team diminishes. I spoke nothing. I could not speak a word but wonder, how could she ask me such a thing? I wanted to shout and scream. I wanted to get heard.
But I didn't complain. Went straight to my playground. I knew a place where I could hide with no one in direct sight of me. I had discovered that while playing hide and seek with the same set of friends. I went there and cried. I cried till my eyes were sore red and there were no more watery lakes flowing down my cheeks. And then I went to perform the duty I was asked, with all the dignity of a martyr.
That was the day when I started learning how not to complain, how not to get heard and how to listen to others. I learned how to mould my life to other's needs and try to solve their problems. I learned to compromise things which mattered the most to me. Time flew by, and I got so accustomed to it that I started enjoying it. I started loving the pain which erupted in my heart whenever I was not listened to. I cherished the moments when I sacrificed something to earn a small happiness to somebody else.
World doesn't allow you to live peacefully, no matter how hard you try. Now it asks me to open up, to share things and let others know about my feelings. I ask you .... Why now? Believe me, change is not at all easy. Habits may change, but what about characteristics? That is the way I have spent all my life, and if you want me to be what you demand, you got to invest time. You got to make me comfortable and let me know that "Its ok to share feelings".
Of course, it was only a matter of an hour but by then I would have lost many a things, which were more important to me than anything. I would have lost the time, the match would have started, someone else will take up my place, my credibility in the team diminishes. I spoke nothing. I could not speak a word but wonder, how could she ask me such a thing? I wanted to shout and scream. I wanted to get heard.
But I didn't complain. Went straight to my playground. I knew a place where I could hide with no one in direct sight of me. I had discovered that while playing hide and seek with the same set of friends. I went there and cried. I cried till my eyes were sore red and there were no more watery lakes flowing down my cheeks. And then I went to perform the duty I was asked, with all the dignity of a martyr.
That was the day when I started learning how not to complain, how not to get heard and how to listen to others. I learned how to mould my life to other's needs and try to solve their problems. I learned to compromise things which mattered the most to me. Time flew by, and I got so accustomed to it that I started enjoying it. I started loving the pain which erupted in my heart whenever I was not listened to. I cherished the moments when I sacrificed something to earn a small happiness to somebody else.
World doesn't allow you to live peacefully, no matter how hard you try. Now it asks me to open up, to share things and let others know about my feelings. I ask you .... Why now? Believe me, change is not at all easy. Habits may change, but what about characteristics? That is the way I have spent all my life, and if you want me to be what you demand, you got to invest time. You got to make me comfortable and let me know that "Its ok to share feelings".
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